CHAPTER 1 – What this Blog is and what it is Not


A Personal Story or Case Report
If nothing else, these pages describe the experiences of one individual (with a few references to friends and the experiences of others) who left the “gay scene” or “gay world” (or whatever you want to call it) in 2003 and is currently happy and balanced with friends and a satisfactory life and who wouldn’t go back for anything.

What does that mean? you ask.

In practice it means that I stopped having and completely turned away from the idea of having any type of romantic involvement or sexual relationship with anybody in 2003 and have been that way ever since.

… and I love it!

In fact, despite the normal problems of life (some of them serious),  I have not been this content with my life since I was very young.  And my relationships with family and friends have improved greatly.

So why write about it? you ask.

Because when I was younger in the 1980’s, nobody warned me about what was ahead of me, if I went along with my orientation. Or, perhaps more accurately, nobody I would have trusted to tell me the truth warned me of what could be ahead! And, worst of all, I believed then (as I am sure many younger and older people do today) that nothing could be worse than being alone for the rest of my life, not even death!

I was wrong about that.  And I want people who are repeating the false mantra of “being without a relationship is the worst thing that can happen” to know that life with good friends, goals, service to society, family and loved ones and reflection on the big questions can be very fulfilling and satisfying. Most importantly, I want to record lessons my own life has taught me, perhaps so that someone else does not have to repeat all of my mistakes.

A One-way Communication

It may appear at first to be egotistical, but this blog is a one-way communication. I do not want to enter into a dialogue or to answer “what should I do”- or “how can you be so cynical”- questions. This was one of the hardest parts of my decision to post this story. I am happy with my life as it is, I do not want to have contact with or be a self-help guru for persons thinking of leaving the gay community or their families. It’s not that I do not have a desire to help others or work for the betterment of mankind; it’s just that I really don’t think I could say or do anything that would change the minds of those who absolutely need to try for themselves and go through the hell I did without getting dragged back into what I myself have managed to escape.

So my “half-way” solution is posting all that I have learned and the factors which I believe contributed to my being able to get out of the gay life. Unfortunately, some of them may be useless to my readers, as they are personality-based and may not be shared by all. I will try to denote them.

There is one exception where I may answer questions if spare time allows:  If I have explained some factor or pattern I experienced and the subject could use further explaining to help someone, I will try to elaborate, if I can by doing a new posting.

This is Not a Religious Healing Blog

The purpose of this site is not to claim some miraculous religious healing event. Some things that happened to me in 2003 remain a mystery to me.  But I am sure they can logically be explained. I did not pray to “become heterosexual” and indeed I have never become heterosexual. Nobody prayed over me and no apparitions appeared before me. In fact, nothing more happened to me than the gradual cessation of any desire to date, cruise, look for eye candy, go to bars or other places or to have relations. That’s it! Sorry if that sounds boring.

But to me, the process was anything but boring. It was the single best event of my life.

This is Not a Support for Groups Motivated by Hate

This is a story of someone who has “been there” and who understands. My choices may not be yours, but my motivations are based on something that worked for me and made me happier than I have been for a long time. What I went through while involved in the gay life is something I would not wish upon my worst enemy. In fact, my experience leads me to believe that it surpasses most forms of scientifically developed psychological torture in rigour and painfulness.  Many people are damaged for years or even for life by one traumatic divorce or adultry incident.  Imagine going through a similar experience every other month from early youth onward! The human psyche was certainly not built for that.

If there indeed exists real “evil” then it is certainly personified in the actions of people who out of spite or hatred try to do violence to or make life even worse for individuals who are going through something they themselves would likely not be “man enough” to handle.

But my revulsion is equally reserved for those in the gay community who would find it expedient to attack and be contemptful of innocent people simply for the fact that those people do not view the available lifestyles as positive or desireable.

It is the information, the story, and not my person that is of interest to the assumed reader. I wish nothing more to do with the community or that part of my life. However, I do wish provide information on how I got out if it can help someone who is seeking that particular door.

This site is for those who are struggling with this issue and are considering the option of leaving the community, giving up the idea of that type of relationship and doing something else with their lives.


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